Knowing Yourself
Ever find yourself in a place where life has happened or you receive suggestions of why or what you are facing took place, but the narrative is not the truth for your story. I know it can be humorous and flustering all at the same time. In scenarios like this as an ambivert, my extrovert strengths to “defend my story” could get misinterpreted as being “head strong” or a “know it all” when dealing with such encounters. Truth in reality, I always ponder how one is able tell an individual more about themselves without considering the individual’s thoughts or position on a matter. Again, humorous and flustering. Flustering to not have parts of your personality misinterpreted. . .Humorous as your personality resist succumbing to the suggestions from unsolicited voices. Now let’s balance this. . .Yes, we will have people that are placed in our lives to extend wisdom, warnings and words of correction; but it should not cause you to “second-guess” yourself nor lead to you “dumbing down” authentic parts of your personality, journey or life story. Particularly when your journey or story may not be familiar to the “source” extending unsolicited “advice”. This is where knowing who you are and knowing the difference between a condescending or respectful voice is key.
Thankfully, at the turn of all changes with life per medical factors God had me nestled in a place where wisdom, understanding and unconditional love were non-negotiable for this new course. . . In silence there was time to reflect on prior life moments, ask God about the purpose of this life change while we navigated the path which felt like a roller coaster ride. I found the moments of silence to be a faith journey. A journey of hindsight moments, particularly in relation to medical matters that explained so much of what felt like a “fog” at times. But, how do you find peace in silence when that’s not your “norm”?
Sadly, sometimes having a “strong” presence can feel like a blessing and a curse. Not that you are wicked, but often your strength is misunderstood or used to define who you are without having all the pieces to the puzzle. . .failing to understand your heart. Yes, people will care but when your voice feels challenged beyond silence it can be draining. So you may “speak” to not be labeled “different or difficult”. Yes, I am guilty of speaking when my soul really just wanted to keep its “silent posture”. (Disclaimer: This doesn’t excuse or condone disrespectful tangents and tantrums gaslighted as “having a bad day”. Be discerning about perpetual “hits” that come out of another’s unresolved pain.) Give yourself grace. Choosing silence does not have to be unhealthy. Yes, we as human beings we will get upset. I hear you asking the question. . . “Are there moments you just want to “explode”? My answer is absolutely, and you may also feel that way at times. But that’s when God’s strong presence of the Holy Spirit within your heart draws you to put all your efforts into praying and asking God to give you strength in silence. Strength to resist the need to go tit for tat. Strength to recognize when it is time to shake the dust off your feet. Strength to know silence is a weapon that preserves your energy to “fight” for your voice when it matters.
I know for many this “silent” posture is not what you feel “fits” you. Listen, I can relate. Being heard and having your voice represented is important. Reflecting on life, I have learned how to embrace my voice in a way that literally drives the enemy bazookas. This didn’t happen instantly; it took wisdom from people in my life that I glean from who were also familiar with these types of encounters. Honestly, I found joy in knowing God gave me a voice that He did not desire to have shut down by the condemnation nor misinterpreted by any person or situation. Guess what, the same is true for you.
Do you struggle to embrace silence? Do you feel the pressure to “set the record” straight? Who can you gain healthy support from? I am all too familiar with each question, but it is nothing you have to navigate alone.
Pacing myself, I have found strength with silence that yields wholeness, realistic, and practical embrace towards whatever God brings me to face. Full transparency, being silent can be unnerving to yourself along with others at times, but remain true to the person, character and heart God knows rest within you. Wisdom has taught me sometimes you have to speak. Yet, at other times one must allow the assumptions to exist while knowing “your truth”. Trust it is not easy, if the claims of “your story” are refuted beyond you. It will be tempting to “sound off”, but hold your “peace”. Say it with me, “Holy Restraint.”
Whether your personality type is an introvert, extrovert or ambivert, I support your intentionality to “save your energy” because when God positions you to speak, He will need your voice clear with clarity that you are HIS and HE IS YOUR GOD. Give yourself grace to be silent if it helps.
Silent doesn’t have to mean broken.
~Corri Rose~